Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen? 

O2.zip

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 How do two programmers make money? 
- One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses

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"Knock, knock.Who's there?" 
very long pause... 
"Java."

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. 
When asked to define "Great" he said, 
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" 
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." 
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

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What did one math book say to the other math book? 

"I don't know about you man, but I got a lot of problems!"

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When was Heisenberg born?
Oh, that's very uncertain.

Seen on the door to a light-wave lab:
"Do not look into laser with remaining good eye."

You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics. 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Issac Newton1: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Issac Newton2: It was pushed on the road.

Issac Newton3: It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.

Issac Newton4: It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road. 

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

What happens when electrons lose their energy?
A: They get Bohr'ed.

Why was the mathematician afraid to travel by road????

because the width of the road is negligible when compared to its length...