1-A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet know to science - "governmentium." It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons.
Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.
Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn't decay but "re- organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.
This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you re- organize, the morass you cover.
2- Mean Russian Jokes
America is fighting two wars: one with terrorism and another with obesity. It’s double luck when it finds a fat terrorist.
New TV show “Who want to be a millionaire”. Its host Vladimir Putin invites all Russian billionaires to participate. When Jesus wants to punish America he sends storms, tornados, fires and floods. When he wants to punish other nations he sends Americans. George Bush secretly visited Iraq. The level of secrecy was unprecedented. Only five persons knew about it. Lora Bush was informed an hour before the flight. George Bush wasn’t informed at all.
3- A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife.
"What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied
4-What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip 5- What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child. 6- What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed. 7- What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw
him / her last. 8- What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door. 9- What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10- What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket. 11- While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea
with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership
philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with
intelligent people.
Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your
mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the
Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush
nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush,
upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and
they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody
can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice
calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your
sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I
know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan
Singh!" 12- A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were
training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a
suspect, he shows the
first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides
it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch
him fast because he
only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the
picture I showed is
his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he
flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, "This is
your suspect, how
would you recognize him?"
The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says,
"Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter
with you two?? Of
course only one eye and one ear are showing because
it's a picture of his side
profile! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the
picture to the third
SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your
suspect, how would
you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid
answer."
The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment
and says, "The
suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn't know
himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a
few minutes while I
check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the
suspect's file in
his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on
his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an
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